Dear Chasers (From a Runner)

This is never easy. If we stay, we are plagued with fear and are repeatedly disappointed- not always by you, but in the way the dynamic makes us feel.

We swing from feelings of deep love and understanding to profound confusion and guilt- sometimes on an hourly basis.

When we run, we ache; we feel like our heart has been ripped out. There is no solace. We feel you hurting. We feel you thinking about us. We go from feeling secure in our decision to run to pure despair and regret.

And for some, your respect for our request for no contact makes us doubt our decision for space, even though we know it had to happen.

It is an absolute nightmare one way or another, but we keep distant because we know you don’t deserve to be pushed and pulled, even if you’ve just hurt us.

We are oftentimes sensitive and don’t know how to ask for what we want. We are scared of our feelings and the thought that they aren’t truly reciprocated. We want you to fight for us- by fighting for YOU. We need you to grow so we can grow.

We are not all the same. Some of us retreat and try to erase you, (we can’t). Some of us go to therapy and get self help books and try to heal our wounds to be better. Some of us realize a union can’t happen in this lifetime without drastic changes, some of which seem improbable or downright impossible.

We still love you. We still want you to thrive. If nothing else makes sense, please understand that.